NaBloPoMo ends tonight – I can’t pretend I’m not a little happy. It’s been tough trying to come up with interesting posts every day… obviously too tough, since I wasn’t even able to do it. Some days I had nothing to say, or couldn’t fit it in, or just fell asleep (my usual writing time seems to be after the kids were in bed). But this, my first attempt at a blog, was a success: I got to remember what it’s like to keep a sort of “diary” of thoughts, which I did as a kid, and it seems to have been worthwhile to let people know more about me. I am more than a little bit self-conscious. I was a little nervous about putting all these words and ideas out for anyone to see, but it’s enhanced my life in at least a few ways. Honestly. So the daily posts? F that. But slashtag polo will Definitely Live On.
My last post of NaBloPoMo is for Scott. Well, no. It’s for me. This blog has been great therapy for me (haven’t I said that before?). So revision: it’s for me, from me.
I was lucky enough to get to see my dearest, loveliest friend today (and his adorable family). Kind of like waking up from a dream where the old me (the one where I’m most myself, the one I established so long ago as a “young person”) is still there. I know I run the risk of sounding like a crazy person here, but there are such costs to growing up. Forgetting what it feels like to be careless and so utterly free and full of excitement for the future. And then the pain of remembering it all and thinking, “that was pretty awesome, but it’s gone.” Seeing him is like that – an old reality that makes me so happy, but also the tiniest bit sad.
When will I get the chance again to sit at Denny’s at all hours of day or night, watching him switch his fake eye patch from left eye to right to see if the waitress notices? Or go to a movie at least 3 times a week? Sit through a torturous New Year’s Eve watching Alien movies? Drive to Denison to hang with the smart and/or rich kids who will all inevitably be smart and/or rich adults with amazing careers? Or watch Niagara, Niagara and then watch him try to act it out in public?
Today at school I was teaching a reading from 1998, which is of course to my students basically ancient. In the past month, I seem to keep coming across things that remind me just how long ago my own high school and college days were.
Most of my days are happy days. But those were Happy Days.
Really great stuff about Scott:
- He has goats.
- Never judgmental, his normal is calm and collected.
- Can keep a straight face when completely messing with you.
- His laugh comes from the belly. It’s always genuine.
- Is hilarious.
- Ever since I’ve known him, which I guess goes back to sometime in middle school (first memory: 7th grade English teacher in tight leather outfit bending over in front of him…), our classmates and teachers all respected and liked Scott. I’m sure there were exceptions (and he might call this bullshit – it’s not), but he was usually the kid that teachers actually liked and that the rest of us wanted to be like. Smart, funny, confident, could sing and dance, and wanted to be involved. He has always had a lot of guts.
- We seem to have some similar addictions: Diet Coke, running, etc.
- He’s tough, in every way.
- Loves musicals.
- Always wanted to be a small town doctor. Is currently a small town doctor. All the schooling, the commitment, the sacrifice, and the relocating… to help complete strangers. Not sure there are many other choices as selfless as this, in my eyes.
If he were reading right now, I would tell him…
- thanks. For everything.
- I love you.
- Let’s do all that stuff again when we retire. Alli and Gautam will get to know that part of the real you and me.